What should we tell our daughters about sexuality?
Of course, I do believe the conversations should be age-appropriate but we really can’t ignore the obvious. This world as we know it today, doesn’t hold anything back. It is over saturated with sexual imagery and messages.
I’ve already had “The Talk” with my girls but I feel I need to revisit the conversation.
I didn’t share everything for concern it would heighten curiosity and immediately send them down the path of exploration. Or maybe because it wasn’t the most comfortable conversation for me.
The truth is they are already curious with the body and emotional changes. They notice the opposite sex more so now – oh dear Lord, help me…
As moms, it is so important that we create a space for open communication with our children, especially girls.
Looking back on my childhood, I’m certain the “sex talk” was awkward for my mom. Instead, she gave us a set of books, The Life Cycle to read and learn.
Now that I’m a mom of a tween and teenager, I feel I should engage more with them on the subject.
They already know that I’m very open and direct, but I have to add a bit of humor to lighten the conversation.
Sometimes I think they are surprised by what I know or would actually say. The reaction… “MOM!! REALLY??”
Actually, I like that response because it means they are listening.
As I’ve pondered on the next series of talks, here are four key words that come to mind:
Right
Tell our teenage daughters what is right. If we are to really understand sex, we must return to it’s origin. That means tracing back to Creation & understanding God’s purpose for sex. I won’t delve into the details in this post, but basically, we must provide our children with the truth of God’s word as the foundation for sexuality. They need to know why it was created, for whom it was created and (per God’s standard) it is “good”.
Relate
Let our daughters know we can relate. I want my girls to know that I too, have been where they are as a young girl with all of the raging hormones. I can relate to liking boys and getting those stomach quivers when in their presence. I believe there is value when we are open to share our experiences with our daughters. I have a cousin who recently told me that there are just some things her kids don’t need to know. We laughed but I completely understand & agree. So, let’s just say there should be “selective” sharing.
Real
Tell our daughters what’s REAL! Now here is where truth meets reality. Many of us can identify with the unexpected consequences of sex contrary to God’s ordained purpose. The reality is the relentless temptation & pressure to succumb to sexual satisfaction. How can we equip our girls to stand firm in a world that thrives on sexual gratification? What can we teach our girls about dating to help them navigate through God-honoring relationships? These are real questions for real issues our daughters will face. As parents, we must be prepared to provide practical guidance coupled with lots of prayer.
Responsible
Our prayers and hopes are for our daughters to exercise purity until marriage. If they make the personal decision to wait or not wait, I believe we must prepare them with measures of responsible behavior. Ultimately, it is for their protection and well-being. Yes, I believe they need to know about contraceptives, as well as the physical, spiritual, & emotional concerns that come with premarital sex. Personally, it is preferred over condemnation and harsh criticism which can lead to separation of the mom-daughter relationship. I feel it’s so important to keep an open, honest dialogue with girls.
I know the topic is sensitive to many moms because they feel it’s condoning sex before marriage. I don’t condone drinking and driving but truthfully, youth are participating in it. We know that God’s way is the best way but if they are going to do it, then do it responsibly. Many of us ventured down the wrong path until God redirected us unto the right path.
My prayer is for my girls to love & honor God so deeply, they’ll wait until marriage. (As well as the young men) Even when I didn’t understand the spiritual blessing of abstinence, I look back and know that God still had a plan for me – despite my mistakes. His love and grace covered me then, and I believe by prayer and faith, He will do the same for my-our children.
Additional Resources:
7 Secrets To Purity For Every Teen Girl
How Do I Talk to My Daughter About Sex & Masturbation…
The Talk: Lessons for Biblical Sexuality
